I still need to work on this site to make it more viewable before I want to start advertising it online and try and get traffic here. I am working on writing more and become more open in how I feel and actually write them down. I feel like for now this site is my online “secret” journal where I can write stuff down that I still feel reluctant to say to anyone. At least this is giving me practice to write again.
I started CPT, or cognitive processing therapy, with my therapist last week. I had to write down some stuff about how my traumas affected me in areas like trust, power/control, intimacy, safety, and so on. I also had to write about concepts that I feel were developed after the trauma. I didn’t have as hard a time to write them down like I thought I would, but I also could feel how it bothered me when I wrote down these thoughts. I cried, I shaked a bit like I am even now writing this, and also I felt relief after I wrote them down and read them back. I am so ready to write these assignments for the CPT and hopefully use them in my book I keep wanting to write about my life experiences but was so afraid of seeing in written form. I felt afraid of confronting these ideas as well as thinking no one would care about reading them when I was done. I am done with being afraid and I feel the time is so right to do this project now. I have to work on good work habits to get writing a part of my daily life, yet considering what I have had to deal with already I feel the habits with the the easy part. I also need to work on the site and figure out a cost effective way to get it professional looking for viewers. I hope I can muddle my way through the webdesign.