I think I will make Friday my major blog day. This way I hope I can be more consistent with my writing and keep at it when I have a set schedule.
This week was not a good week. Emotionally it was very draining and upsetting, to say the least. Sometimes I swear that even though I am almost 50 I still have the emotional maturity of a 16 teenage girl. I had someone mention they had feelings for me, a crush, and I was honest in how I felt. I didn’t want to lead them on or make any misunderstandings. So I was upfront on how I felt and what my intentions were instead of deflecting or acting coy. I know how that feels on the receiving end so I got how it was still upsetting to the other person. I have felt like hell ever since and I just can’t shake it off. My gaming has been way off and I just can’t get my mojo back with that either. I told this person to not hide and it’s ok to deal with rejection blah blah blah, and all I want to do is crawl in some dark hole forever. I can’t of course because I have kids, but the feeling is really strong.
I mentioned how my gaming is off. Well it’s way off. I drop a complete rank in a game I play a lot lately, Valorant. I was a silver 1, now I’m bronze 1 about to derank to iron again. I tried getting so called friends to help me, but they kept saying maybe later. Instead they play with other people who I’m guessing is better at the game. I am so sick of people and having to depend on them. Nothing I do helps anyway and I can’t depend on anyone in return.
I am not in the best of places right now. bleh people suck, including me.