I had a dream about Mama last night. I remember going down the stairs to my kitchen and she suddenly appeared standing next to the kitchen counter area as I walked past that spot. I asked a question and she answered, and then I looked back behind myself and I was staring into her eyes and her into my eyes. That the image that was most vivid when I woke up, looking into her eyes and her looking back at me. While we were looking at each other I somehow realized it was a dream so I turned away from her while she asked me what was wrong. I said that she isn’t really here and none of this was real because it was a dream. I also said I was going to wake up from this at any moment and that’s when I opened my eyes. I have been so out of it all day since. I also woke up wondering what I asked and what she said, like it was really important. I wish I could remember that part, but it keeps getting overshowed by how she looked and the image I remember of her.
I miss Mama, a lot. I could really use her being here still to call and talk about what is going on in my life at this time. I know she would not be happy with how things are between my brother and myself. I could get a talking to for sure about how we need to stick with each other and whatnot. She would likely tell me that this is forever and that it will get better soon just see. I kinda wonder if this was the only way she could “call” me by way of my dreams since she has passed on 17 years ago.
Mama passed away in 2003, the year I turned 30 years old. It’s not heard to remember because as soon as I got the news I wondered who would celebrate my birthday later that year like she would with me. I wish she could be here now. She has two more grandkids she never got to meet, one a girl too! Since her death I have had so much stuff happen I wish I could tell her. I never really dreamt about her until now though so I wonder how this dream came about. It was so vivid I can stand in the spot where I saw her in the dream and feel like she is still standing there, that’s how real it felt. At first I felt really off, but now it’s settled to more of a comfort feeling. I just don’t know. huh