So I think I may have made a discovery today. I’m not sure
Did you ever paint with watercolor? Maybe as a kid in school? Do you remember how when you mixed the paint with water to get it on the page? I remember how if you mixed too much water with the paint you end up with really faint color on the page because the paint would soak into the paper and you usually ended up with a wet paper with little to no color seen.
I have been dealing with a lack of passion lately in, well, pretty much everything, even this my blog. I am having issues being interested in my school work, my creative pursuits and I wondered if I was really pursuing what I love or if I was making more mistakes. I didn’t think so because the idea of doing my writing and doing something creative has been the driving force to get me through these last few years. I can’t imagine that feeling would stay there if what I was trying to do was so wrong. So why then am I just not feeling it? Why am I feel interest but no passion I hear about but forgot how it feels? I think it’s because my colors have become too faint and I need to work on gathering them back to get that passion back into what I wanted to do.
I was thinking about this today and I felt like I was too spread out, like the feeling of just casting adrift and letting the tides and eddies take me around are really strong right now. Then I thought about how it’s like the watercolor paints when you mix a lot of water with them and it hit me, that’s it. I’m too spread out. The water can be anything, depression, trauma, life circumstances, things out of your control like losing a job or death of a loved one. I felt like the analogy works and the paper is the goals and the watercolor paints are your passions in doing what you want.
So that’s what I am dealing with, I’m not doing anything wrong I just need to figure out how to gather up my colors to get that passion more concentrated to work with. Once that happens I think the drive I wonder where it is will come up and help me finally get going in what I want to do in my life. Here’s hoping