I had an upsetting thing happen this afternoon. Sorry if I ramble.
/RANT
I went to go pick up my kids from school like I do every school day. Our school district has a police force and they are the ones that direct traffic during the drop off and pick up times. I was beginning to turn a right onto the road when I saw a car about to do a U turn on the same street. When I saw the car moving is when I realized the officer directing traffic had his hand up. Yes I was wrong, I was talking with the kids and was distracted enough to not see his hand up telling me to stop. He came over to my car and I could tell he was irritated, either at me or something else I don’t know. I roll down my window and made another mistake by saying “what” only because it was the first thing that came to mind, not to be confrontational. So it only went downhill from there. He started acting in what I perceived an aggressive manner raising his voice telling me that I had an attitude. I tried telling him that yes I was wrong and I was only trying to explain that I didn’t see his hand up and I was sorry. After trying to talk to him but him cutting me off telling me I had an attitude, he told me to pull over. I did now at this point upset, but not crying. not yet anyway. He gets to my window again asking for my ID and registration and continues to raise his voice telling me that I need to stop having an attitude and so on. I told him at this point that I would like him to stop talking to me that way he was and that I wasn’t trying to have an attitude, I was only trying to say what happened. I said from the very beginning that I was wrong and I was sorry for not seeing his hand up in the first place. He made threats about tickets, thank God he was city police or who knows what would have happened. I saw his coworker standing behind my van so I asked him to come over to witness the incident. The coworker was no help though, he claimed he didn’t see anyway. In other words he didn’t want to get involved. So I am no openly crying telling him that I have PTSD and how he was talking to me was triggering me. He said and I quote” I don’t care if you have PTSD” later he also said it was my fault that my kids were upset and crying, it was my fault for being triggered, and it was my fault for how the situation played out.
It is not ok to disregard someone with PTSD. It is not ok to tell someone it is their fault they are triggered. It is not ok to tell them that their yelling is not on them, but you. IT IS NOT OK!
At this point I admit I went off the rails, got mouthy and did contribute to the escalation. I was finally able to get my mouth under control, because once again he threatened me by saying he came keep me there all day until I let him say his say. I let him do it and I was finally “allowed” to go. I promptly went to their office and filed a complaint to his supervisor, tear streaked face and all. I refused to let him treat me that way and not do anything to stand up for myself. I at least spoke up for myself and whatever happens I’m glad I did.
I feel like I dealt with victim blaming there. He refused to apologize or even say “sorry if how I talked with you upset you” He didn’t have to say he was wrong, it wasn’t about that. I just wanted him to acknowledge that how he talked to me affected me. I know he figured he was wrong, because as soon as he came back while his coworker was there he suddenly talked calmer to me and was no longer raising his voice. He tried to claim that was how he was talking the entire time and I called him out on that. I said no you weren’t, you are only doing it now because he is here to witness you. Ah just typing this out upsets me all over again.
Remember it is not ok to blame someone for being triggered and it is not ok to invalidate someone when they mention they have a mental condition or illness. O I am so mad at what happened.
People suck *sigh*
/ENDRANT