So much pain left to unpack So much left to say Struggling to find the light Hard to feel it will be ok The burden a heavy weight It needs to be put down So my soul can find peace And the light to show the way

I am still here, Still living in my fear Dreaming of a past that never was The tears on my face, Nothing left to replace But the hope that I see in you

I am such a mess right now. O man the end of the year has me thinking about what I have done, or more to say have not done, this year. I am feeling the holidays depression and "festive" anxiety in force lately. I am a gamer and I have not been doing well in the one game I am trying to rank up in, Valorant. I have to play on my own a lot again because I can't get friends to play for valid real...

I haven't written in my blog again in a long while. I know why I haven't and it's not something I want to continue. I have noticed a lot of what I was saying could be seen as "negative" and I didn't want to make wrong impressions or make it seem like I'm doing worse than I really am. Well I changed my mind the last few days. I realized that I have not felt comfortable to really share what I am...

Man today has been a day for emotions. I read a post on a friend's timeline on Facebook say it was sister and he passed away from an accident on Sunday and I was upset. I was hoping it was fake yet at the same time didn't think this was a person who would fake something like this. I wrote a tribute on my Facebook and tried to process what I thought was his death. That is until today when I saw...

Well some time has passed since my last post and that has given me a chance to think about what happened. O man it was brutal. In essence I asked for help and didn't get it, but really it is more than this simplistic explanation. So much more... I was really sick a couple of weeks ago. So sick in fact I went to get tested to make sure I didn't have the rona, and thank goodness the test came back...

I am not having a good time right now. My anxiety is so wanting to get out of control. I was so sick this past week and then I had my final to take for my class due by tonight. I managed to get it all done but man the toll it took on me. I am close to tears here and there, my anxiety threatens to become an attack at any moment. The worst part is I don't really have anyone to talk with right now....

I have been wanting to write this for a while but I wasn't sure what to put in the post. So I'll let my fingers do the talking and see what comes out. I have had a much better year this year than the last few years. The years 2018 and 2019 were very dark years. So bad in fact that in some parts of those years I thought the kids might be better off if I went to sleep and never woke up or maybe...

I have been doing the Twitch (www.twitch.tv/katajade) streaming thing for a few weeks and I am so excited for what I have gained already. I am up to 74 followers and I made affiliate so that means I can earn money now. I am so happy I have kept up with it and not get discouraged with the slow growth of my channel. I knew it would take a while and I am so proud of myself that I am still putting...

So I had a really good week overall. It's all due a tiny thing too, I did what I have been saying I was going to do "someday" and made it Today finally. I started streaming on Twitch and I am so happy I finally did that. I have been thinking of doing it for about a year and then I just went for it. I am also working on my blog more now, like this post :D, and that is something I have been...